time off...

Sometimes, as it usually happens, the time off we take from things is forced upon us. Rarely is it intentional. At the beginning of the summer I broke my foot and found that much of my life was thrown into a chaotic state of being. It was frustrating to hobble around on crutches...asking for help with nearly everything...immobile and in pain. 

I learned many things during my time of rest and recovery. I made the most of situations and realized the importance of giving grace to oneself...of allowing a slower pace. I thought a lot about what is important, and how to give attention to those things. I considered how to let go of things that no longer needed a place.

I want to give my energy to those things that have value. The things God leads me to. Rarely do I realize these important things on my own. So I can say that I am thankful for this process. For where it has taken me and what it has shown me. I hope I can receive it in humility...

ready

Charles Spurgeon said: "I have learned to kiss the wave that throws me against the Rock of Ages." 

With all my heart I praise God for showing me love and renewal...

My soul dances on this Rock...

and it is safe...

and it is ready.

weep

“I will not say, do not weep, for not all tears are an evil.” 

~J.R.R. Tolkien

just be

I drove off today...into the woods. 

I wanted my soul to be fed in a way that nothing else but trees, and sky, and wind can satisfy.

What does your soul long for? 

Where do you want to run away to...

in those moments when you need to be refreshed...

need to just, be.

soul breathing

Pikes Peak Highway

May

Welcome, with your lovely greenwood choir, summery month of May for which I long!

~WELSH, FOURTEENTH CENTURY

thankful

I am thankful for the beautiful family God has given me. 

I am thankful for dear friends...

...and new friends...

and for the future life I am moving into. 

The past, the change, the pain...

God is weaving into something wonderful, and new.

And I am thankful...

necessary

Beautiful days...

stormy,

longing,

vibrant,

reflective,

...necessary...

frumpy garments

Things that sit there on the shelf, collecting dust, part of the general scene. I walk around with lots of things like that. Maybe I’m afraid to dust them off and show their true purpose. Maybe they are outdated and not useful any more… Oftentimes I am not aware of them at all, or have lost sight...

Then someone asks me something at just the right moment, and I see. I couldn’t before because I wasn't looking, and all the pieces fall into place and a light goes off…a recognition… 

I have recently wondered how many things I have been looking at without seeing. This phrase is often said of things that ought to be precious...amazing. Things that should not be neglected because they have great and precious value. 

But what about the things that I neglect because they no longer fit me? They no longer serve. They crowd and choke. The heart's frumpy garments...

Why still carry them around?...

calm

There are those who make us laugh...

who comfort our hearts...

calm us...

These are the kindred spirits. 

True friends, and lovers, 

cherished ones...

gifts...

ebb and flow

Waves of forgiveness…

Healing waters…

Sea of Tranquility…

Tears...

Water and emotions seem to be closely linked.

I have been thinking about much over the past few days: the turbulent ebb and flow of relationships, society, culture, wars…those things certainly affect the individual. 

But what of us? The simple man, so to speak. The lone earth traveler, who gets up in the morning after a restless night of working through a recent loss or grief, makes a quick breakfast, looks out the back door and considers that there is not enough time nor day to feel really valuable…truly productive. Because productive is one thing we humans strive for. More, better, bigger, faster, don’t stop. 

Inside of us, emotions ebb and flow, in the presence of a fluid society. Fluid values, truths, faithfulness. Undulating within us. Turning us over again and again. Back up on the feet, only to be knocked down again by a sweeping slap. 

If oftentimes feels like everything going on inside and out is unpredictable, transient. Secure footing is elusive, and minimal at best. But are things with God really so fleeting? Is it God’s doing? Or is it something within us, within the human race that forces an irrevocable problem, so long as we are on this earth…

Waves of emotion wash over me. 

And I stand on a Rock. 

love all things that grow

“I want to be a healer, and love all things that grow and are not barren.”

~Éowyn

keep changing

It's finals week. Just for me...not my kids. I can just imagine what it would be like if all 6 of us were finishing up another year of school this week. I'm thankful for that small mercy. As it is, I am frazzled and full. Filled up...and nearly on empty.
At the end of the week I am celebrating...victory, small as it may be, is still victory. And I'll take it. Anyone that decides to go back to school after having kids...after life has picked you up and spun you around a bit, spitting you back out all turned around and dizzy...is courageous. There has been every reason to give up and take the less scary road; but, to be honest, every road has a bit of the scary unknown to it. It puts me in touch with my adventurous spirit...craving something new and exciting. The stagnant life is not for me. Does anyone really crave stagnation? Perhaps contentment, or stability...but certainly not stagnation.
Have you ever been told you can't change? I have... And something in me rises up in defiance. As it should... We are free to change, or not change, as many times as we want. That's the way of things. We grow, we fall, and we get back up; sometimes many times over... It takes courage to choose something new and different. To operate from a space of personal wisdom and courage despite the naysayers.
Only you know everything you have come through. Most are probably not aware themselves of everything they have survived. I think it's important to keep this in mind. Nobody should tell you what you can or cannot do.
I, personally, am changing daily. And I am challenged by the journey, and hopeful about what awaits me...

worth a risk

Life has a way of wounding and scarring, leaving us crippled...at the very least limping. It takes courage to be vulnerable, and open the heart to loved ones and friends...to healing...or new love... 

Loving and healthy relationships are precious... There are fewer treasures than having someone speak into our souls and offer comfort when comfort is required...acceptance and validation when walls are sinking in...fellowship...

Our hearts cry for companionship. Fellow life travelers. Kindred spirits. Listening to our hearts and reciprocating life. This love is worth a risk...

content...

i love...
...and am loved...

meander...

I love walking under apple trees in Spring...the falling petals transport my imagination to far away lands and magical worlds. Lilacs are in bloom now, invading the senses with their distinct perfume... 

This morning I walked to the coffee shop and meandered along the way. It was all I could do to make it a block without stopping to snap a picture: dandelions, trees, a raccoon garden statue, shadows...light. I couldn't help but think about all the beauty and detail. The smallest flower holds so much mystery in its delicacy. The sun piercing through blossoming boughs, casting rays. 

This intentional way of moving forward feeds my inspiration. It stirs my soul to find community...to walk in truth...and thank God for fulfilling me. It's a thankfulness that transcends situation. If I focused on the struggle and challenges right now.....I would suffocate. Something bigger than everything is required. So while I amble along...I observe...and I am thankful...

look up

Pikes Peak is something I look at every day. We all do...us people living in Colorado Springs. Visitors come from all over the world to drive to the top, or hike it, although that is less common. There are donuts up there. I'm pretty sure that has something to do with the allure. Donuts are hard to resist. Even if it means having to drive up a precariously steep and windy road to get to them. 

We live in the shadow of beautiful "Sun Mountain Sitting Big". That's what the Ute Indians referred to it as. In the mornings, when I go on walks, the rising sun shines all over the range and "for purple mountain majesties" bursts into my head. Often it remains there for some time. It's just one of those songs. 

Pikes Peak from my car.

I'm not sure many locals have been to the top. When I was living in Kauai, some of the people living on the north part of the island had never been to the southern part. Had not even explored from sea to shining sea. I find that concept fascinating. And yet at the same time, I somewhat get it. Not everyone feels the need to explore, or adventure. And sometimes life gets sneaky and sucks you in...but not in the good sense...in the 'oops how did I lose sight?' sense. 

We always have a choice. If there is one thing we do have, it is choice. Whether we make the right one of not, now that's an entirely different matter. 

larger than you...

Sometimes you cannot put all the pieces together…until the moment when it hits, and everything God has been working on, and in you, makes you ready to face it…to meet it… 

It is difficult to see light when all you feel is darkness, and sadness, and hopelessness. When you try and make sense of things enough to have something you can hold on to. 

Sooner or later you realize that all your understanding is incomplete.

 You can never know all the parts…like a tapestry. You are a thread…a beautifully woven thread in a larger picture, and only One who is greater is able to see… 

There is peace...when you can let go. And trust in something larger than what hits you...what breaks you...something larger than, you.

And the light comes shining in through the darkness. 

pause, dearest...

when you walk in peace, you have the capacity to look around and catch beauty...even in the midst of difficulty and craziness. 

it isn’t possible to really slow down all the time. so, what will be your intention? downshifting? thankfulness? strength? …love?

holding less tightly to unnecessary things…things that crowd the soul. making room for the things that fill, nourish: a cup of tea on the porch, a happenstance friend, a hand-written note, prayer, a divine appointment…

pause, dearest.

Beauty in the Mundane...

Beauty in the mundane. Something catches your eye and quietly speaks to your soul saying, 

'pay attention...you'll not want to miss this'... 

And miss it you will, if you aren't careful...intentional...

...looking...

 A grocery store bouquet of daisies. A reminder of a soul sister. Kindred spirit. Warrior princess.

Every day there is beauty in the ordinary. Only ordinary because it is what is observed every day. 

But with an intentional pause, the ordinary, the mundane, becomes something else altogether.

The mundane becomes amazing. 

Just as it always is...if you have the eyes to see it...