thankful

I am thankful for the beautiful family God has given me. 

I am thankful for dear friends...

...and new friends...

and for the future life I am moving into. 

The past, the change, the pain...

God is weaving into something wonderful, and new.

And I am thankful...

necessary

Beautiful days...

stormy,

longing,

vibrant,

reflective,

...necessary...

frumpy garments

Things that sit there on the shelf, collecting dust, part of the general scene. I walk around with lots of things like that. Maybe I’m afraid to dust them off and show their true purpose. Maybe they are outdated and not useful any more… Oftentimes I am not aware of them at all, or have lost sight...

Then someone asks me something at just the right moment, and I see. I couldn’t before because I wasn't looking, and all the pieces fall into place and a light goes off…a recognition… 

I have recently wondered how many things I have been looking at without seeing. This phrase is often said of things that ought to be precious...amazing. Things that should not be neglected because they have great and precious value. 

But what about the things that I neglect because they no longer fit me? They no longer serve. They crowd and choke. The heart's frumpy garments...

Why still carry them around?...

calm

There are those who make us laugh...

who comfort our hearts...

calm us...

These are the kindred spirits. 

True friends, and lovers, 

cherished ones...

gifts...

ebb and flow

Waves of forgiveness…

Healing waters…

Sea of Tranquility…

Tears...

Water and emotions seem to be closely linked.

I have been thinking about much over the past few days: the turbulent ebb and flow of relationships, society, culture, wars…those things certainly affect the individual. 

But what of us? The simple man, so to speak. The lone earth traveler, who gets up in the morning after a restless night of working through a recent loss or grief, makes a quick breakfast, looks out the back door and considers that there is not enough time nor day to feel really valuable…truly productive. Because productive is one thing we humans strive for. More, better, bigger, faster, don’t stop. 

Inside of us, emotions ebb and flow, in the presence of a fluid society. Fluid values, truths, faithfulness. Undulating within us. Turning us over again and again. Back up on the feet, only to be knocked down again by a sweeping slap. 

If oftentimes feels like everything going on inside and out is unpredictable, transient. Secure footing is elusive, and minimal at best. But are things with God really so fleeting? Is it God’s doing? Or is it something within us, within the human race that forces an irrevocable problem, so long as we are on this earth…

Waves of emotion wash over me. 

And I stand on a Rock. 

love all things that grow

“I want to be a healer, and love all things that grow and are not barren.”

~Éowyn

keep changing

It's finals week. Just for me...not my kids. I can just imagine what it would be like if all 6 of us were finishing up another year of school this week. I'm thankful for that small mercy. As it is, I am frazzled and full. Filled up...and nearly on empty.
At the end of the week I am celebrating...victory, small as it may be, is still victory. And I'll take it. Anyone that decides to go back to school after having kids...after life has picked you up and spun you around a bit, spitting you back out all turned around and dizzy...is courageous. There has been every reason to give up and take the less scary road; but, to be honest, every road has a bit of the scary unknown to it. It puts me in touch with my adventurous spirit...craving something new and exciting. The stagnant life is not for me. Does anyone really crave stagnation? Perhaps contentment, or stability...but certainly not stagnation.
Have you ever been told you can't change? I have... And something in me rises up in defiance. As it should... We are free to change, or not change, as many times as we want. That's the way of things. We grow, we fall, and we get back up; sometimes many times over... It takes courage to choose something new and different. To operate from a space of personal wisdom and courage despite the naysayers.
Only you know everything you have come through. Most are probably not aware themselves of everything they have survived. I think it's important to keep this in mind. Nobody should tell you what you can or cannot do.
I, personally, am changing daily. And I am challenged by the journey, and hopeful about what awaits me...